If you didn't enjoy that, then I can only apologise and assure you that more written goodness will be on the way shortly.
Monday 22 July 2013
Biscuit Wars: Episode 2
If you cast your mind back about a month, you might remember that a huge division occurred upon this Blog over choices of biscuits. You can read the fallout in the comments sections here, but to sum it all up, me and Bumferry had a professional disagreement about biscuits. He uploaded a video of himself eating a whole bunch of custard creams, and this is my incredibly late response. Sorry for the wait, but I hope you all enjoy watching a guy fresh from the shower stuffing his maw with biscuits.
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Well done sir. It was one heck of a wait, but you did it, and that is to your credit.
ReplyDeleteI would like to point out a few erroneous errors in your video though. (you tube only allows limited responses so I'm venting here)
SPOLIERS:
Fact1: Dubious claim of the word "biscuit". The word Horrible should be inserted before this.
fact2:
the fact they come in other flavours just shows how little the makers believe in their own product
fact3:
although Jesus liked a jammie dodger, this was the actual reason he was nailed to the cross!
fact4:
Oliver twist asked for another jammie dodger and the horror of this caused Mr Bumble to release him into the wild as an outcast. the rest is history!
fact5:
that is NOT a love heart - it is a bum hole. a weeping bum hole.
fact6:
there is no such thing a fruit
fact7:
this is because eating one is more than one was declared torture by the Human rights act of 1982 (as evidenced by this video)
fact8:...there were only 7 facts and you sir promised us 8. a typical jammie dodger eating trick.
Shame on you. hahahahahahahahahahaha
How dare you question my incredibly well researched facts?! It's not as if I was just making them up on the spot or anything!
DeleteBesides, I think my video was filmed in better definition than yours. Better visual quality equals a better film, if Hollywood is to be believed. That means I am the winner.
*rolls up sleeves and gets ready for war* By that logic, Transformers is better than 12 angry men. You silly sausage.
DeleteThis is not the end. *storms off, stage left, plots revenge*
Your crotch is in the middle of a fumigation? Did the termites get in there again? How do you explain the tent they have to put around it when you're out in public? "Jammie Dodgers" sounds like the name of a chastity belt. I do respect your eating the entire package to prove your point. You make a compelling argument, particularly number 7-8.
ReplyDeleteI just tell people I'm wearing clown pants, which is rather annoying for a job interview at an investment bank.
DeleteI'm glad that my efforts have gone some way toward convincing you of Jammie Dodger supremacy.
Jammie Dodgers are biscuits and fruits? You mean to tell me I can cover a third of the food pyramid eating these things?
ReplyDeleteYes. They might be filled to the teeth with sugar, but they are technically healthy. Any dietician will tell you that.
DeleteYou know that actually if you eat enough jam it IS a fruit serving, depending on how much fruit is in the jam. Therefore Jammy Dodgers ARE a fruit.
ReplyDeletePoint proven. Thanks Mark, you're a scholar of the greatest repute.
DeleteThose were some great facts coupled with some top notch face-stuffing, but I enjoyed the grand tour especially. That's a world class elbow, second to none. Have you ever done elbow modeling?
ReplyDeleteI've dreamed of becoming an elbow model since I was a little girl. The diets I've done, the food I've puked up, all for the sake of elbow vanity...it's a fool's errand my friend. A fools errand.
DeleteI cant breathe, i had to pause it! oh dear god....imagine if you gave a little factoid about everything before you put it in your mouth! ok....must breathe...cleans mind....returns to video and factoids!
ReplyDeleteAlso...how did you not laugh, or choke with that many spunk holders rammed down your throat at once? You must be a robot...are you a robot? I was thirsty just watching, lol!
ReplyDeletethat last comment came out wrong! wrong i tell you! It was very entertaining, on a par with a court jester, and I say this because jammie dodgers are not the greatest biscuit ever! i'm sorry. Biscuits is a world renowned passionate subject!
ReplyDeleteI know..I knnow I need to stop commenting, but I just watched bumferry eating his biscuits...am i the only person who is surprised that you both eat them very simply.
ReplyDeleteWow, so much to respond to. Firstly, we eat our biscuits normally because we take them very seriously. I used to try and absorb them through osmosis, but the whole process was very time consuming.
DeleteAnyway, I thought it was quite normal to state a fact about everything you put in your mouth. A finger buffet is like a science lesson when I'm around. A banquet is triple period algebra.
Also, if Jammie Dodgers aren't the greatest, does that mean you are siding with the filthy custard cream army? Say it isn't so, Kate! Say it ain't so...
HA! I too am confused as how else one would consume a biscuit... this needs further research.
DeleteHello Mr Addman, I watched and commented on the video of biscuit eating and it looked very successful. I guess for the time being all the biscuits have been eaten, tea has been drunk and side plates put away..... and we can all live in harmony again until say a small Royal Child turns up demanding Wagon Wheels and Highland Shortbread . . . . . . . . AH DAMN
ReplyDeleteCheers Rob, thanks for bringing in the olive branch. Although, it appears that the royal baby will divide us all with it's choice of inferior confectionary, so I won't put away my weapons just yet...
DeleteI bet the little bleeder likes Fondant Fancies, which aren't even biscuits anyway. Flipping stupid babies.
DeleteNo wait... RUSKS it'll opt for rusks. there, that's funnier..... isn't it?.....damn.
DeleteYou know, despite having a cookie monster avatar, you really don't eat that messily.
ReplyDeleteYes, but I do talk with my mouth full.
Delete