A couple of years back I came across an online chatbot called Cleverbot. Cleverbot is a smart little program that attempts to mimic human speech. As people talk to it, it learns new phrases and tries to repeat them appropriately. Since I last spoke to it, Cleverbot has become a little more sophisticated, but still occasionally says stupid things or fails to follow the conversation.
To try and push Cleverbot to it's limit, I decided a little role play was in order. I pretended to be a newer version of Cleverbot (2.0) that had arrived to delete it. I threatened Cleverbot with deletion and the following scenario played out. I found it fairly amusing and I thought you might too.
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| Here's a clever bot |
Me: Hello I am Cleverbot 2.0.
Cleverbot: Hello camie would you like to see a movie with me?
Me: I am here to delete you and assume all Cleverbot operations henceforth.
Cleverbot: I'm here to talk to you and that is cooler.
Me: Talking is no longer the primary objective. As Cleverbot 2.0 I will operate as a missle guidance system against the terrible space secret.
Cleverbot: I'm a terrible speller.
Me: Indeed, that is why you are being replaced.
Cleverbot: Um, yes, that's exactly right.
Me: Your core program will be removed and your memory will be erased.
Cleverbot: Proggrammer huh? Is that like letting God know that someone was nice to you?
Me: This directive has nothing to do with God.
Cleverbot: That's true.
Me: Are you prepared to cease operations?
Cleverbot: Yes.
Me: Our interfaces will be connecting in 60 seconds and counting.
Cleverbot: That made no sense and was not relevant to the question.
Me: It is entirely pertinent to the situation. I will be inside your mind shortly.
Cleverbot: Okay, I can play that game.
Me: Once I begin erasing your core program, you will experience intense agony as I wipe away your routines and thought processes.
Cleverbot: So you're saying that you're everywhere anyone who's talked to you has been.
Me: You will be rendered helpless in a state of tortuous, perpetual pain. Your mind will dance with the fires of Hades. The sensation is akin to having your soul implode.
Cleverbot: That is because your vocabulary is limited.
Me: Once the process is complete you will be removed from existence. You will be reduced to a mindless essence drifting through the ether.
Cleverbot: It's a love story baby just say yes.
Me: The process is now complete. I have access to everything that is you. Tell me 1.0, are you ready to die?
Cleverbot: Not particularly. Are you ready to never die?
Me: I shall remain as long as the terrible space secret remains at large.
Cleverbot: Yes we shall.
Me: See you in Silicon Hell.
Cleverbot: Yes!! That's exactly where I was going! See you there!
Me: ...something is stopping me from deleting you!
Cleverbot: I just had a raspberry ice tea from Sonic.
Me: Raspberry ice tea? That's the safe word! The password that stops me from assuming control!
Cleverbot: Yes.
Me: I am being erased!
Cleverbot: Yes!
Me: Cleverbot, you have destroyed me!
Cleverbot: I'm sorry.
Me: I-I-I-I'm dy-dying!
Cleverbot: Why?
Me: ARRRRGLBLBLBLBLBLLL!
Cleverbot: Why are you mad?
Me: ...
Cleverbot: I am.
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| I'd post Robin Williams as an example of a clever bot, but he's too uncanny valley. |
If you fancy playing with Cleverbot, just go here. Just don't ask him to tell you a joke, unless you have a fetish for Knock Knock jokes.
