Monday, 10 December 2012

Subject S-263


Threat Level:  Green

Containment:  Subject S-263 is to be kept in a standard containment cell.  For comfort, a standard sized kennel (2m x 1m) and an old bedspread is sufficient.  Under no circumstances must Subject S-263 be exposed to any quantity of water other than the nutrition tube provided.

Description:  Subject S-263 is believed to be a member of the canine genus.  Its outward appearance is typical to that of the Beagle breed.  It has glossy eyes, typically patterned coat, and has no observable disfigurement or deformity.  DNA testing conducted by Dr S. Pattenbourg has proven that Subject S-263 is an adult male.

A close approximation of Subject S-263's outward appearance


Other than these facts, there is one factor that has marked Subject S-263 for testing.  That is its supernatural ability to bend light. 

Direct light sources are refracted around the body, and around the other side.  This produces an effect of complete invisibility, rendering the subject completely transparent.  Light on all spectrums has ultimately proven ineffective against this ability.  Shining opposing light sources from either side of Subject S-263 can cause extreme luminosity, although the subject is still not directly visible with the naked eye.

Initial containment of the subject proved to be a daunting task.  No agent was able to detect Subject S-263 through optical means.  Nightvision and infrared were rendered ineffective.  Agents reported feeling a knee level breeze as though a tail was being wagged in the vicinity, and could hear a faint panting in the room, but could observe nothing.  Agent Norton suffered a nervous breakdown, although this was concluded to be through situational stress and not an effect of exposure to Subject S-263 itself.  The subject was contained after Agent Howe threw a packet of Bonios into a paddling pool filled with paint, where the subject could be observed and detained.

Subject S-263 has since been painted to look exactly like a Beagle.  This is to reduce occupational stress upon our researchers and for practical means such as location and testing of the subject.   Visually, the subject now appears to be an ordinary specimen for its species, thanks to these measures.

The area where Subject S-263 was contained.  The occupants of the house were not aware of the subject.


Research Notes:

10/10/2009 – Dr. Holloway has been observed testing the intelligence level of Subject S-263.  Although an exact IQ has yet to be established, Dr. Holloway spent 35 minutes throwing a ball for the subject, and having it returned to him.  No unusual behaviour displayed.

12/10/2009 – Dr. Holloway has ordered an increase in nutrition to increase the stamina of Subject S-263.  I’m unsure as to how this will help us identify the invisibility gene in the subject, but have complied with this request.  See Appendix 39 for supplement breakdown.

14/10/2009 – I am starting to fear for Dr. Holloway’s sanity.  He’s been observed rubbing the stomach and abdomen of Subject S-263 profusely, and has taken to using the phrase “who’s a good boy?” in casual conversation.  I have posted a recommendation of Dr. Holloway’s removal from the project to a Level 4 Project Leader, but have so far not heard anything further on the matter.  I am writing a research paper on a hypothesised psychic connection between Dr. Holloway and Subject S-263 which is causing extreme fondness in them both.

15/10/2009 – Site 12 was put on lockdown today after Dr. Holloway attempted to take Subject S-263 for “walkies”.  Security personnel have contained the breach.  Dr. Holloway has been reprimanded and moved onto another project (rumoured to be the vastly more dangerous Subject S-101).  I will be taking over as the Head Researcher on this project.

19/10/2009 – Dawwwww, he’s so cute!  Good boy!  Very good boy!

25 comments:

  1. Oh NO! You've been sucked in too! Don't be fooled by the cute! Subject S-263 will draw you in then drop highly offensive "dookie cookies" on the rug. Slowly driving you insane.

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    Replies
    1. Cookies you say? I need to get myself a dog!

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  2. I'm now going to think every dog I see is an invisible one that's just painted that way. It's very very hard to resist the charms of something so cute.

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    1. Maybe all dogs are invisible, but someone is painting them to allow them to work undercover in our society!

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  3. I have a sneaking suspicion that my experiment, subject S-132, codename 'Italian Greyhound', may also be an invisible creature painted to look like a dog. However, his vomit looks and smells very real. Why is this not invisible? Science is so confusing.

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    Replies
    1. Did you try painting the vomit? That's what I do when I throw up on the kitchen walls. I paint it and, voila, the vomit just vanishes!

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  4. Um, sorry. I didn't realize the dog was invisible. I just thought he was dirty... and I washed him. We haven't seen him since.

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    1. Damn you Flip, you've compromised the whole operation! You will live to regret this, especially when I let a whole pack of invisible dogs into your house.

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    2. Have you tried giant strips of liver and kibble flavored fly paper?

      Delete
  5. This makes sense now: http://improveverywhere-com.zippykid.netdna-cdn.com/images/dog47.jpg

    This must be a photo of Holloway performing one of those "walkies" he was referring to. Perhaps painting him like a loaf of bread would help contain the outbreak of D'awws and B'awws.

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    Replies
    1. Or we could paint it like a Dragon or something. That'd make it less cute.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. What's this? A five word response from the legendary Rob Z Tobor? Are you trying to avoid my spam filter with shorter replies? I don't feel like one of my posts is complete until you've commented with a hilarious mini essay.

      Delete
    2. P.S. On second thoughts, that sounded sarcastic. It wasn't.

      Delete
    3. Ha hAH hHAH HAH HAHHAH AHhaH Ah hahahhah hah ha As it happens I was mixing Two elements together to create my comment. The first was the element of surprise, no one suspects a five word response from Rob Z Tobor. Then secondly there was the use of the terrible joke . . .

      Hows your dog feeling . . . .Ruff.

      Thirdly, OK yes I was using three elements.... the third was invisible text, the famous Beagle font S-263. No one suspects the use of the famous Beagle Font S-262 and my comment was in fact 3000 words long; well I think it was but I could see it because it is invisible, but I need a few words or the silly blog thought I was posting nothing. I believe that if you blow cigar smoke at your monitor then rub some old spice on it the words will slowly be revealed. There was a forth element to my post but I didn't see it until too late and trod in it YUCK.....

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    4. Ahh that's much better. Thank you!

      Delete
  7. I think there has been a containment breech of this specimen. It seems to have escaped and has mated with other canine specimens and now invisible dogs are populating the earth. I tripped over two of them as I was leaving for work this morning.

    It also seems that there is now a new breed that very much resembles the feline species. I have a litter box in my home that mysteriously keeps filling up with poop. I have cat hair all over my stack of laundry and I can occasionally hear faint purring.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's difficult to tell if cats are invisible or not, with the way in which they wander off for days at a time without being seen. They'll come home in the dead of night, eat their food, poop their poops, then be off again.

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  8. What an interesting TALE. Were these experiments authorised by the RSPCA (Rarely Seen/Perceived Canine Articulate) I'll WAGer their BONEi fido research came in handy or at least gave you PAWS for thought or at least were able to LEAD you to some of your conclusions. I think I should FLEA this comments section now, I'm getting a bit hot under the Collar......STOP MEEEEeeeeee...

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    Replies
    1. Once you start spouting dog puns, you're BONEd.

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  9. I would totally volunteer to be a researcher on this project.. except I don't do poo. Unless it too is invisible

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    Replies
    1. Invisible poo is much worse. You can smell it but you can't see it. You live in constant terror that you might tread in it. You constantly have to wear disposable plastic shoes, just in case. Is this the life you want? IS IT?

      Delete
  10. Hahaha! Sorry, I ain't got nuffink. Mr H just beat me to all the canine puns. DAMN YOU MR H!!

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    Replies
    1. Aww, I like puns. Anyway, gotta dash and get some rest, my feet are BARKING.

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  11. This bone will self destruct in five minutes Subject S-263, so dont eat the bone . . . . . . . . NO I said dont eat the bone . . .. NO really . . . . . stupid dog

    ReplyDelete

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