After looking at the charts for the first time in about
10 years, I came to a startling realisation.
Computers appear to be solely responsible most types of sonic output
these days. Music is no longer the
domain meaty fleshbags, not since the advent of Autotune, synthesisers, and
Japanese emotion cuboids. If this is
where the music industry is headed, how long will it be until our favourite
recording artists are replaced by robots?
I started to envisage a world in which music is composed
entirely by our electronic counterparts.
Can you imagine your how your favourite songs would have turned out had
they instead been composed through the cold, artificial logic of a machine? Let’s make that a reality. See if you can guess these pop songs as
covered by robots:
 |
| Robo-Katy Perry: Less sexy, more talented |
1. IF
YOU GAIN ENJOYMENT FROM IT THEN YOU SHOULD PLACE A MATRIMONAL FINGER TOKEN ON
IT
2. STRIKE
ME INFANT! REPEAT TRANSACTION!
3. WEEKEND
WEEKEND I AM EXHIBITING HUMAN JOY FOR WEEKEND
4. I
WILL ALLOW YOU TO SHELTER FROM METEOROLOGICAL PHENOMENA
5. I
HAVE 99 STOP COMMANDS BUT A FEMALE CANINE IS UNRELATED TO THIS ERROR
6. GO
FEMALE IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY. WE WILL
INSTALL THE LATEST DRIVERS LIKE IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY
7. STOP
ERROR: 0x0000000 IF THIS IS THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE SEEN THIS ERROR REBOOT AND
TRY HAMMER TIME AGAIN
8. THEY
TRIED TO RESET ME TO FACTORY DEFAULTS BUT I SAID NO NO NO
9. AND
AFTER ALL YOU ARE AN EXCEPTIONAL SUPPORTING WALL
10. HELLO? IS THIS THE DROID YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?
11. MY
CPU IS OVERHEATING IN HERE SO REMOVE YOUR OUTERCASING
12. TODAY
I DON’T EVEN FEEL LIKE BOOTING UP
13. LIFE
IS A MISSING FILE EVERYONE MUST STAND ALONE I HEAR YOU CALL MY MONIKER AND IT
FEELS LIKE \\192.168.0.1
Answers:
1. Beyonce
– Single Ladies
2. Britany
Spears – Hit Me Baby One More Time
3. Rebecca
Black – Friday
4. Rhianna
– Umbrella
5. Jay
Z – 99 Problems
6. 50
Cent – In Da Club
7. MC
Hammer – Hammer Time
8. Amy
Winehouse – Rehab
9. Oasis
– Wonderwall
10. Lionel
Ritchie – Hello
11. Nelly
- Hot In Here
12. Bruno
Mars – Lazy Song
13. Madonna
– Like A Prayer
--------------------------------------------------------
Oh my Lord. I laughed up a kidney, half a lung and a section of my colon reading this!
ReplyDeleteBloody brilliant!! *Bows head in reverence*
Hey, can I borrow those organs if you're not using them? I promise not to sell them on the black market or anything.
DeleteSeriously, thanks. Means a lot.
OMG!TFF! And should I beware of pigeon-poo. Is that what you meant by filthy?
ReplyDeleteShelly
Pigeon poo, and the fact that he's liable to describe how it feels to be bummed by a tramp. So, filthy all round I guess?
DeleteHilarious! Love all of your title remixes in techno style. :)
ReplyDeleteI imagine them to be done in a Kraftwerk style. In fact, I'd imagine the track is exactly the same for each song, it's just different lyrics.
DeleteIf this is a post you consider "not very funny" then I should quit the comedy blogging game. 'Twas quite the hilarious post!
ReplyDeleteAn unidentified user has accessed my CPU. Input numerical command, perhaps?
-"Call Me Maybe" by Carly Rae Jepson
There's my attempt.
You're too kind, considering it's almost identical to the one I gave you that time. I was worried that you might actually be pretty pissed off about it.
DeleteNice attempt. Instead of "Call Me Maybe", it should be called "Call Accepted By Host".
No, fuck you for even qualifying this post with an excuse, this was hilarious. Yeah, it may seem to you like you were phoning it in, but that was really really funny. I can't even pick a favorite. Maybe you were freed by the pressure of having to come up with something and the inspiration manifested in one of the funniest posts I've read today. Dammit, that's good stuff. See how much you made me curse? That's how good this is.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, @Pickleope
Wow...thanks. I feel like I've been told off, but I'm happy about it. I feel slightly aroused now...
DeleteI agree that this was an amazing post for someone who admits they weren't trying.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is thank you.
DeleteI think it is disturbing when the robots get all over sexed and start moaning about "inputs" and "001010001101 01010 001 01", that filth needs a parental warning sticker.
ReplyDeleteHaha. Not to mention when they start talking about their floppy/hard drives.
DeleteYou see people like it when you get the BIT between the teeth
ReplyDeleteHAH HAHAH HHAHAH HHAh hah ahh ah hah ah hah ahhah ahh ah hah ahah hhah hahah ha hahhah hah.
If you're getting stuck with little BITS, maybe you should take larger BYTES.
DeleteAhem...a little computer joke there.
In my head all those song titles sound like they were said by the freaky little robot from Perfect Match. I'm pretty sure that means you did something right.
ReplyDeleteI imagine them all to be read out by the most fascist of robots, the daleks.
DeleteI only got eight of them! I'll blame it on exhaustion.
ReplyDeleteI'd say eight is pretty good. In fact, I doubt I'd even get eight, and I wrote the damn thing!
DeleteHow useless am I? I only knew the hammer time one but was graciously thankful when I saw the answers at the bottom. Thankyou and thnkyou.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I am now following @olliethepigeon under the cloak and dagger name of @sinkingshipprod_uk which is a rather useless twitter account because i mainly twat rather than tweet.
ReplyDeleteGood lad, I'm following you back. We can twat together!
DeleteAre you by any chance a Droid?
ReplyDelete