Anyway, the other day I heard of a thing called Gangnam
Style, which is apparently the most incredible song ever committed to vinyl (or
vinyl’s digital equivalent). I watched
it on YouTube, along with millions of others who, judging by the comments, were
also incidentally being sucked off by a wonderful, resplendent unicorn. At least, that’s the conclusion I drew from
the quality of the posts, which would make it difficult to concentrate on most
YouTube videos to be honest. This video has become quite the YouTube hit, being the second most watched video of all time. After my
initial confusion, I took to Wikipedia to find out why Gangnam Style was such a
success.
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| My invisible unicorn is available for private appointments |
It was on Wikipedia that I read the most abhorrent
paragraph ever submitted to the Internet since John Major and Edwina Currie
fanfiction. Here it is, copy and pasted
in full below. Before you read this,
please note that I am not responsible for any organs that are ruptured in the
vomit that is due to flow from reading this extract:
As the song continued to gain popularity, its dance moves were performed by a few business and political leaders including Google's executive chairman Eric Schmidt, the British Prime Minister David Cameron, and UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon, who hailed the song as a "force for world peace".
That’s right,
world leaders are starting to replicate Gangnam Style in the name of
peace. It would seem that a Korean man
doing an invisible horse dance has done more for international diplomacy than all
the charity and aid contributed by the nations of the world. PSY has united the globe under the mantra of
hope and freedom with more success than Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa and He-Man combined.
I know it may
come across as sour grapes, but I don’t see how a guy in a silly jacket talking
about “sexy ladies” is any more important than me doing a sponsored walk. In fact, I would say that my miniscule amount
of charity work for Samaritan’s Purse is much more worthy of international fame
and glory. If only I’d thought to do a
Sponsored Stupid Dance instead.
For those of you
who have enjoyed laughing your heads off at that silly foreign guy, I say shame
on you. Because of your negligence, you have forced David Cameron and Ban Ki Moon into some bizarrely
moronic dance-off. Next, they intend to
send Fenton into war zones and give Keyboard Cat a job as a ceasefire
negotiator.
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| The UN's new peace envoy |
I don’t mind
memes. I don’t mind people laughing at
daft YouTube clips. I do mind when
throwaway pop songs become political as world leaders try to score points
off of being the first person to notice a popular trend. This isn't a "force for peace", it's pandering for public support. Cameron is one of the worst for this. His admission that he had the Arctic Monkeys
on his iPod, whether it was true or not, is nothing more than shameless self
promotion. The same goes for his magnum
opus of publicity stunts, inviting Chicago rapper Rhymefest round to Number 10
for a spot of tea. More and more,
politicians are trying to cash in on this hollow fame culture as a way of
scoring votes, and it sickens me more than a chunder-spunk salad.
Phew, I'm glad I got that off my chest. Join me next time when I point out the many laws broken in the "Charlie bit me" video, and why the "evolution of dance" is merely propaganda for the Nazi party.
Are these so-called political leaders of the world trying to wind me up?
ReplyDelete"UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon, who hailed the song as a "force for world peace".
Excuse me, everybody at the United bloody Nations, but didn't you read my e-mail the other week where I told in very simple tones that the best song to use as a force of peace was the theme from the Adams Family.
One more... Just one more push and I'm gonna bloody snap and just take over everything.
Sick of this... *Storms and pushes over a granny in rage!*
I seem to say this on a weekly basis, but this is surely a signal that the end of days is nearly upon us.
DeleteWell said Mr H I am humming and clicking my fingers as I head off into the garden, it is very cold out there indeed and as someone once said. . . . . .. . I'm going for a little walk I may be some time, (Well no I will be damn quick as it happens its cold).
DeleteThere's nothing I hate more than politicians trying to act cool! You wanna be cool? Do all the things you promised you would do! That or do keg stands and bong hits on national TV!
ReplyDeleteWell, since you guys in the US seem to be legalizing marijuana, this reality might be closer than you think!
DeleteI'm embarrassed to say this, but I have yet to understand the whole gangnam style thing. Thank goodness for your posting. I understand it so much better now that someone said it like that! Great posting!
ReplyDeleteI still don't understand it. I think people just enjoy laughing at the guy, like Jedward or Chico. Of course, politicians miss the point yet again and think people genuinely like Gangnam Style as a piece of art.
DeleteWell I would quite enjoy it if Nyan Cat became a force for good but I am with you on Gangnam Style. I feel dirty just writing it. If it helps when David Cameron said The Smiths are his favourite band to try and gain some popularity Morrissey said he's a cunt and his (Morrissey's) music wasn't meant to be enjoyed by people like him. I don't particularly enjoy Gangnam Style and I take the fact that David Cameron has done it as another reason to not be voting for him. He should be listening to what people say about him, and what they think about what he's done, and not the music they're listening to.
ReplyDeleteDavid Cameron likes The Smiths? Only because he thinks we're referring to literal blacksmiths who fixed up shoes for his childhood pony, Trumper.
Delete"Hey, look! I identify with the styles and trends of the common folk. I GET them, unlike my opposition who wears overalls and listens to Stevie Nicks. For goodness sake, he still uses the phrase 'carpe diem'. Doesn't he know it's all about the YOLO?"
ReplyDeleteI believe they prophesied such stupidity in the Bible or Qu'ran or something. In any case, I firmly believe that the four horsemen will ride into battle to the theme of Gangnam Style... or even on the back of invisible unicorns.
Invisible, blowjob-enabled unicorns.
DeleteAn interesting post, even though I don't follow music very much.
ReplyDeleteI bet you're glad that you don't follow music, after this.
DeleteQuick, let's test this theory and send the gangnam style video to Syria! And Iran (where such things are surely banned). I nominate the UN sec. general to be the one to play the video for them
ReplyDeleteI'd like to see him skipping through a minefield, doing that dance.
DeleteI think the life lesson is not to believe everything you read on wikipedia:-)
ReplyDeleteNo! Every word is 100% real! I want to believe.
DeleteHello Addman sorry I am a bit late I was trying to bring about world peace by chatting to some men in the middle east, what with its history I thought, now if only I can get the two sides to sit down and maybe find a small bit of middle ground, that would give us a starting point.
ReplyDeleteThen just as I thought I had found some middle ground a group of dancers, turn up with a Ghetto blaster with Gangnam Style blasting out at full volume. The next thing is one countries leader is shouting at another countries leader and then someone shouts KILL THAT ******* GHETTO BLASTER which gets miss understood and everyone is shooting at everyone else. The only glimmer of hope in the peace negotiations I have found, as we pause briefly at the edge of World War 3 is that world leaders dancing to Gangnam Style do look like total IDIOTS. OK it is not a great place to start from to get a consensus on world peace where all men (and Women) are free and equal but we need to start somewhere.
By the way while on the subject of hollow fame culture, don't you just hate it a Christmas when you find your chocolate Santa is not only hollow but empty, which brings us right back to politicians HO HUM. . . . .
I think hollow Santas are an appropriate metaphor for the shallow culture of consumerism. Either that, or a festive sequel to the poorly received hollywood film, Hollow Man.
DeleteNow I love pop music as much as the next guy, if the next guy is a guy that REALLY likes pop. But I hate Gangnam Style. Perhaps it's because Psy killed my father by riding over him on an invisible horse. He later claimed he was distracted by some, and I quote, sexy ladies. Bastard.
ReplyDeleteI could totally believe that. I doubt he takes much care when it comes to invisible animal husbandry, especially when his sexy invisible stable girls arrive to help muck out the invisible stables.
Delete